"Life Is A Banquet..."

"...And Most Poor Suckers Are Starving To Death!"

(Auntie Mame said it best.)

I feel like I am feeding at the trough of life.  I really do.  Every day is another day.  I can choose to be happy or choose to be unhappy but it is my choice.  Sometimes it is just one of those days to choose to be unhappy.  Today I am choosing my happy option. 
Paul is in full panic mode and choosing to be unhappy.  Over time I have learned that I cannot help him when he gets like this.  He is just one of those people who doesn't like being out of his perceived comfort zone.  Currently he is having car troubles and has sent his "rig" to a shop far away (78 miles away according to AAA) so he does not have the luxury of being able to escape at will and that makes him edgy.
Another thing I have figured out about Paul is that on his list of priorities I fall well below the car.  From my observations his list is something like:

#1) car

#2) money

#3) school

#4) whiskey

#5) eating

#6) family

#7) dog

#8 & upward) running, camping, movies, me, etc.

Currently he is worried about the car and money.  To get the car fixed requires money and he only has a limited supply so he is facing going back to work before he had wanted.  He is panicking because the lease here runs out in December and he thinks we will be homeless after that.  In his panicky state of mind he thinks the only solution is to take a job he doesn't want in Seattle (where he doesn't want to be) and live in his car in Kirkland (??). 

My attitude toward matters is far less depressing and he doesn't like it so today I can barely get a grunt out of him.  (In fact, in the 10 months we've been living together I've had longer conversations with the TV.)  I have been looking for work in Olympia.  There aren't a lot of jobs but there has to be something.  I do not want to stay in this apartment.  I didn't like it when we moved in and I don't like it now.  When I moved out of Seattle I said (and quite clearly) "I don't care where I move as long as it's out of Seattle."  Must remember to be more specific.  (I am confident I can find a warm place and earn enough money to survive.)

When we moved to Olympia it was because Paul wanted to work at Evergreen State.  They haven't been hiring and he stopped trying.  I was never a fan of the location but I went along:  a) to get out of Seattle; b) to get away from my job; c) because I thought we had a future together.  I take full responsibility for my move.  It afforded me the chance to get out of Seattle and away from my job.  I had a nice savings for escape and now it is depleted (again, I take responsibility for that).  Rather than sit around moaning about what will become of me I think the wisest couse of action is to start earning money to get further away.  Next adventure is right around the corner.  I have a feeling I will be going it alone but I've done that before.  It would be nice to share it with someone but I want that someone to come along willingly.

 

It is autumn in Apple Park in more ways than one!