Christmas

[I've been trying to update but the wifi connection is pretty weak.  Since the restaurant was closed for Christmas there was no signal yesterday at all.  I have a feeling this will be a continuing situation on my travels but I will update when I can.]

Christmas this year was very low-key.  Under normal circumstances I would be a Christmas nut!  I love decorating and always invite people over for food and drinks.  It's one thing I get excited about every year.  This year was just different.  There was too much leading up to the holiday (a family tragedy, the failed California experiment, Oreo being attacked, etc.) to concentrate on celebrating.  Still, it was nice to just spend the day with my mom, eating and drinking wine.
(I did set up the tree for Kevin and he seemed to enjoy it.)

Leaving for the Caribbean on Saturday and I'm still in a state of disbelief.  Today I managed to pack everything into a small carry on.  I'm sure I'll be able to also fill another bag (or the old backpack) before it's all said and done.  I have a one way ticket so I will need to get employed pretty quickly.  For this reason alone I was over thinking what to pack but realized that I just can't anticipate every possible situation and should go with the flow (a popular concept in the islands).
Money is, well, non-existent.  I have had many donations and I am eternally thankful for all the help but I don't think I've ever been on the brink of a trip with so little in reserve.  It'll defiintely be an adventure!!

Life is Funny

Well, well...  Remember how I kept saying that something big was going to happen and everything would turn out okay?  A friend bought me a ticket to the Virgin Islands and I leave on December 29th!!  I'm still stunned by this unexpected act of generosity but am really excited to be on Tortola for the New Year!!  Beach at last!!!  It just goes to show that you never can tell what will turn up.
So now I am furiously repacking for the beach and trying to figure out just what I will need (I know I'm over-thinking it but have no idea how long I'll be gone and am certain I can't afford to buy anything until I have sorted out work, etc.). 
I'll try to update as often as possible.  Right now I am using the wifi from the restaurant downstairs at my friend, Kevin's, and it isn't exactly reliable.
Oreo is doing really well!  I think he'll be fine staying with Kevin until I know if/where he can join me.  I'll miss the little guy and worry about him but I know he'll be happy and have fun staying in Seattle.

Oreo On The Mend

Oreo had a follow up vet visit yesterday and is healing really well!!  He should be able to resume normal activity soon!!  (He really wants to get back to his routine and doesn't like it when I send him to his bed to rest.)
Paul had a change of heart since the last post and decided that Oreo should come along to California.  We have been giving away everything that was left from the Craigslist frenzy and been cleaning the apartment for departure early Thursday moring.
BUT this morning (after selling my TV and DVD player) he told me we couldn't afford to go and that I should find somewhere to stay.  Personally, I am now done with this escapade.  I have always believed that if you try and fail at something three times it is best to make a new plan.  Fate clearly does not want me to be in California.  Am I disappointed?  You bet I am!!  I had dreams of being on the beach for my birthday and of not being cold forever.  It was just not meant to be.  Thankfully I managed to save a few cold weather items so I should be able to weather the weather in Seattle (none too happily).
I have a friend opening a bar in Panama and have been invited to join in.  I think that'll be my new priority.  Screw California.

Disaster

We had the car fixed and it was all looking good for a Saturday departure.  I had some things to take care of in Seattle and planned an evening with friends before leaving town so I stayed the night up north.  I was heading back to Olympia on Wednesday and arranged to see Oreo before leaving for California.  I got off the bus at the dog park near where we used to live.  Oreo was there with Kevin and Hugh.  He saw me enter the park and was running over when a bigger dog grabbed him by the neck and ran off with him.  Oreo got loose and ran but the big dog chased him and grabbed him by his back and shook him.  My friend, Kevin, dove in the middle and got Oreo but he was bleeding and limp.  I scooped him up and we took him to the vet right aaway.  He has three broken ribs, a bruised lung and puncture wounds on his back and neck.  The poor little guy is on pain medication and isn't supposed to move for two weeks.  At the vet he wasn't moving his back legs at all and they were worried that he might have a spinal injury but later in the night he managed to stand and walk a little.  He's still pretty shaky but should recover in time.
Given this new development, I just can't see myself leaving him in his time of need.  Paul is none too happy with my decision to tend to Oreo but, the way I see it, Paul is a grown up human who can take care of himself and Oreo is a helpless, injured pup who needs TLC.
So I really don't know where we'll go or what we'll do.  I have had offers to stay with friends and that would be the financially logical thing to do at this point considering I don't have any money to get an apartment.  Moving up to Seattle for now would make sense because Oreo's vet is there and I shouldn't be moving him around too much.  I don't like the option but it is my only option.
It was a brutal attack and I know I am traumatized by it.  I can't even imagine what Oreo is going through but I won't abandon him, even temporarily, right now when he needs me most.

I thought I was busy before...

Wow!  Time marches on and we are closing in on the departure date. 
I have to say that if you ever want to get rid of stuff in a hurry, Craigslist is the way to go!  We had a "moving sale" on Saturday and Sunday.  Saturday before noon we sold off a lot of small things ($165 toward the escape fund).  Sunday was a lot slower but we still brought in $275.  Today I took photos of all the big stuff and posted individual ads and we've been busy all day (and another $100 give or take).  Not too shabby considering I didn't think we had anything worth anything!
Last week I sold off books, CDs and DVDs and made about $475.  I had to shop them around Seattle a bit but it was worth the effort. 
So, if we go just on our recent sales we have gas money to get us to about... San Jose.  There is the rest of the week to go so no worries.  We will be out of Olympia one way or another by Saturday and heading toward a warmer Christmas!  Even if we run out of gas in Humbolt and end up on some sort of collective we'll at least be out of Olympia.

Oh, did I just say "no worries?"  Paul just this minute came in from a quick trip to the bank to say the car is "misfiring."  So stay tuned for further developments.
(I'm telling you, I will be out of here even if I have to walk.  I'd prefer not to have to walk but it's an option.  Hm, I wonder how far I could get on community transit buses?)

Busy!!

Sorry I haven't posted.  I've been busy! 
Went up to Ballard and dealt with record rainfall.  (To my friends vacationing in Germany:  Your basement isn't flood proof.  But I did manage to get the water out and it should be dry by the time you get home.) 
I managed to sell some stuff and still have more to shop around this week (more books, music and movies).  We plan to have a Craigslist ad for this coming weekend and anything that doesn't sell by Monday will go to Goodwill.   Money is coming in by bits and we are trying to piece it together to afford the escape from Olympia.
Paul will be done with his degree on December 3rd (and he has a second story being published!).  Our lease is up on December 8th.  Frank is already up at Uncle Kevin's and Oreo will join him tomorrow or Wednesday (so sad but necessary until we get settled).
We are back to the original plan of going to Southern California and hope to make it by mid-December (my birthday!).  Zero ideas what we'll do when we get there but Paul's family is there and already helping out by looking for jobs and apartments.
So, if I post infrequently over the next few weeks it isn't that I've forgotten.  I'm just really, really busy!!  It's exciting and I'll tell you all about it as my schedule allows!

Better

Feeling much better.  A combination of allergy medicine and wine put me to sleep and I woke up able to breathe through my nose again!  Hurrah!
So today I have all that energy I was lacking over the past few days.  Haven't done much with it yet but I am enthusiastic.  I had planned to box up all the books I want to sell (got out the boxes but got sidetracked looking up ISBN numbers to see what they're worth).  I had also planned to box up the stuff I want to keep (hoping it fits neatly into one box).  Also on the agenda was clearing out the furniture for selling (emptying drawers, shelves, etc.).  But the day is young and Paul is working until 11pm so I have plenty of time to catch up on my list without interruption.
Unfortunately, the reality of being destitute is rearing its ugly head and we are faced with the fact that even after selling everything we still can't afford to go very far.  Staying here another month means paying another month of rent and bills which we already can't afford.  (That means borrowing and ending up more in debt and puts us even further from the goal of getting away.)  I am convinced that there is a way this will all work out.  I just don't know what that solution is or how to achieve it (yet).  I'm pretty sure it won't be easy.  (Hell, it already isn't easy...)  It would certainly be nice to wake up and remember where I hid the treasure but that's pretty unlikely.
It's funny, no matter how desperate things are at the moment and how I just can't see a way out of the current circumstance I just have that feeling that it's all going to work out fine.  And the closer it gets to December the more convinced I am that it's all going to work out.  I have no basis in reality for this feeling but I've had this feeling for some time now.
December is the month it is supposed to all come together.  Paul finishes his Master's degree on the 3rd.  Our lease is up in Olympia on the 8th.  (Seems like perfect timing to me!)  We know we don't want to spend another winter in Olympia so staying here for any reason would be ridiculous.  I have a friend who is going to be on Tortola for a month from Dec. 15th- Jan.15th.  She has a house arranged and told me if I can just get there I have a place to stay.  Right now it is completely out of my price range (Tacoma is out of my price range...) but it is just one more thing to think about. 
I was standing on the balcony today thinking about what I would do if I didn't have money worries.  Fact is, I'd still get rid of everything.  I would most likely just have it all hauled off for donation instead of trying to sell it but the result would be the same.  I'd still be trying to get out of Olympia.  Odds are that I'd be spending that month on Tortola and then relocating somewhere warm (SoCal, St. John, etc.).  I don't know if Paul would go to the Caribbean.  He'd most likely go straight to California.  If we had money to live on he would probably spend some time writing.
It's interesting that money or not we still have the same plans.  The way I see it, I'm never going to get rich working long hours for minimum wage to pay the rent.  I'm also never going to get rich working part time and not paying rent.  Overall I think I'd prefer to not get rich working part time, rent free and living somewhere warm.
So all that's left is figuring out a way to make it all happen (and soon because November is half over already!!).

Cold

I have a cold.  No fun.  This cold has put a damper on my energy and enthusiasm.  I keep hoping to wake up feeling better but so far I just wake up unable to breathe through my nose.  Blech.  I believe it was the Tick who said:   "I hate mucus, yet, I am mucus."  (The Tick vs. The Uncommon Cold)  Well said, Tick.
So, when I am over this hideous ailment I will have to hustle.  I have books to sell and an apartment to empty.  We're less then a month away from being homeless!  Better get better!!

[PS: 
I watched The Tick vs. The Uncommon Cold and he did not say that line in that particular episode.  I must've been mistaken.  Certainly sounds like something the Tick would say...]

[Okay, I found it.  It wasn't mucus at all.  It was broccoli.  "I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli."- (from El Seed)  I'm going to stick with my original thought and leave it at mucus.  Thanks for playing.]

Distraction

As much as I said I love continuing coverage of anything, the exception is election coverage.  I really don't want to hear ANYTHING about how this person has one more vote than the other guy (no, wait! now the other guy has two more votes...).  I want to hear the final results when they are really FINAL.  To that end, I am distracting myself with old movies (Fred and Ginger, William Powell and Myra Loy, Hope and Crosby and finishing with a continual loop of Victor/Victoria).  Nothing lifts my mood like a movie marathon!
Paul's mood has improved a million-fold.  Now that he is over his last packet for his last semester of his Master's he is in a much better mood.  In another month he'll be done for good and be able to conquer the world!  He's finally able to remember all the things we talked about last spring (Southern California being the big one) and he's feeling positive about the future (knock wood).  No longer does he think he needs to be a DSHS case manager living in his car in Kirkland (hallelujah!).  He's back to the SoCal plan.  No more Olympia.  Onto bigger and better things!!  And, now that he's listening to me again, he is hearing what I had been saying all along about how everything is going to be fine and no need to panic (finally!).  Home is less of a wreck and a much calmer place to be (thank heavens!).
It is dark and gloomy in Olympia.  Fog this morning gave way to big black clouds and wind to be followed later by a cold rain and cooler temps (Below freezing later this week?! Eek!).  Paul's sister called yesterday to say it was 90 degrees in Huntington Beach (and then she sent a photo of the thermometer).  I spent a large part of today thinking about warm, beach weather.  Ahhhhh....
Tomorrow I head up to Ballard to house-sit for my friends who have gone off to Germany for the month.  When I am back in Olympia it will be time to pack up and get out!!  (Anthems of joy!)  I cannot wait to be free of "stuff" and be heading south down I-5 toward a sunnier future!

PS to yesterday's "Edgy" post:

Jessica was kind enough to point out the probable cause of my edginess.  Normally at this time of year I would have my tickets to the Caribbean and be counting down the hours until take off.  This year I am broke and going nowhere fast.  She said she feels the same way (although I suspect she could go without me... Mimi's going and they could share expenses...).
The only year we skipped the Caribbean was the year we went to Italy.  I was edgy then, too, because we didn't leave until February.  That particular November I did have distractions (like trying to learn French for our brief trip to Paris)  but was still missing the basic knowledge that I would spend a month on the beach, drinking Bushwackers and swimming in the warm water every day.  (Italy was great but we missed the beach so much that we saved every penny for the rest of the year so we could make it to the islands the following November).
So, unless I reap some sort of windfall, I will be edgy and nervous and missing the beach for the forseeable future.  Somehow I am less edgy now that I know.

(Damn, that looks good!!)

Post-Halloween Rant

These days money is tight.  Really tight!!  Every penny counts.  I tried to estimate the amount of candy to have on hand for the trick-or-treaters by counting the kids in the immediate vicinity and then multiplied by three.  Turned out that was a lot of kids.  I came up with 25 I knew from just the three buildings right here and then I counted the kids in the buildings we pass on our walks.  Anyway, I bought a lot of candy just in case.
THREE kids showed up.  Total.  That's it.  Just three brave souls who knocked and got candy.  One was the little Girl Scout I bought cookies from last year but I didn't recognize the other two.  Three kids.
Oreo was on his best behavior and didn't bark.  I bribed him with treats and he was a model of good behavior.  We heard lots of kids on the stairs (we are on the 3rd floor) and I would send him down the hall so he wouldn't be freaked out by kids in costumes but they never came all the way up.  I kept going back to get him and shrugging my shoulders.  Oreo got really good at going back when he heard kids on the stairs and knew that if he went quietly he would get a treat when it was over but what a let down!!
When I took Oreo out for his bedtime walk around 11pm, I finally noticed the trouble:  My elderly neighbor had put up big orange signs that said "No candy up here!"  I wish I had gone out earlier and seen that!  I'd have put up another sign directing them to my place!!  Now I have a ton of candy that I spent precious dollars on and which I will have to eat because of Paul's diabetes.  (I know you're sarcastically saying "Oh, boo-freakin'-hoo.  Have to eat candy..." But I really intended that this candy would be gone by last night and now I'll be eating it constantly.)
I wouldn't say Halloween is my favorite holiday.  Christmas is by far my preference.  But I do think it's cool to hand out candy to kids in costume and as a kid I thought it was pretty great to be able to knock on doors and be rewarded with sweet treats!! 
I even prepared my place by lighting a ton of candles and hanging long, orange curtains from a tension rod around my entryway.  It looked pretty spooky.  I have a couple of candle holders that have cutouts (one of a witch and one of spiders in a web) that create some damn cool shadows on the wall and I made sure they were casting shadows on the enrty wall.  I enjoyed the ambience but the throngs of kids I expected to freak out never got to see it.  How disappointing!!

Edgy/Happy Birthday, Frank!

I have that sense of impending doom again.  You know, that kind of unaccountable feeling that something bad is about to happen.  I can't quite pin it down.  It could easily be attributed to a glut of Halloween candy.  It could also be the result of Hurricane Sandy overload (I love continuing coverage of anything and have been following the news constantly for a week now...).  Whatever it is, I am feeling anxious and unable to focus and just a little nauseous.  I try to tell myself that I am lucky not to be back east and try to count my blessings but there is still that nagging nervousness.  Usually I am pretty good at not getting worked up over things.  In general those things are things I can see:  lack of money, too many dishes, bad weather, etc.  I have no real thing I am panicking about.  It's just a general panic.  (Hope it goes away soon... I'm making the animals nervous!)

It's Frank's (observed) birthday again!  That cat gets older and older.  Guessing he's around 20 by now.  The way he moved when I pulled out the traditional birthday roast beef you'd think he was a kitten!  But he is getting older.  Besides his hearing loss I am noticing he has trouble unbending in the morning (so do I, my feline friend).

Slow Recovery

Managing to get back to near normal after my visit to Seattle over the weekend...  It's a long road but many thanks to all for the fun times and caring conversation!
It is freezing in Olympia and I wanted to post a photo of the dog in front of the fire (very Norman Rockwell).  I managed to figure out how to get the camera to take a picture of the fire at night without automatically adjusting the scene for being too dark and I put the disk into the computer which then automatically adjusted the photos for me.   Grrr... Sometimes technology is just too overprotective.  I will attempt some more cosy fire photos in the future when I figure out how to defeat both the camera and computer.  It is a nice warm scene with the roaring fire and the dog and cat stretched out on the rug.  The cat is camera shy these days so when I reach for the camera he gets up and wanders off but the dog is not so easily moved (unless treats are involved).
In other news, Paul is being nice and I am confused again.  (He's "Gaslighting" me, I know he is.  Too bad he doesn't look like Charles Boyer!  Hm, by that same token it's too bad I don't look like Ingrid Bergman.  Oh well...)  I expect him to go back to being a jerk so I'm not getting my hopes up but in the meantime it's nice to be treated well!  I'll take what I can get.
I was going to rant about some stuff today and was on a really good roll after having to go to the store but by the time I got home I had lost most of my venom.  I know it was about the lack of respect for personal space.  (Some woman was so eager to buy her groceries that she was standing on top of me while I was checking out and it pissed me off.  She was so close that I didn't even see her and while I was putting my change into my wallet I was looking down but when I looked up I hit her chin with the top of my head.  That's how close she was.)  Then I was fuming about how I try to use cloth bags at the store (they're sturdier for a start, doesn't matter if they get wet and I don't have a huge build-up of plastic bags in my kitchen) but when I have to pack them myself (which I prefer anyway) the checkers never leave enough time before moving to the next person in line and shoving their groceries at me while I try to fill my bags.  It's just irritating that nobody can seem to wait an extra 10-30 seconds for anything anymore.  (People even lean on their car horns when the traffic lights take more than a minute!)  Anyway, I had a good rant earlier but have lost it for now.  I'm sure it'll come back to me the next time I have to go to the store.  I'll work on it.

Spiritual Distance



 Wow!  My last post elicited a huge response from family and friends (I had no idea how many were even reading this blog).  Most people want me to keep being positive.  (I did say my negativity was hormonal and temporary...)  One benefactor (who wishes to remain anonymous) has even offered to help out in a bigger way until I can get a job.  (I told him that with that attitude he may have me, dog and cat sleeping on his floor before long.)  I just need to say emphatically that my friends rock!  They are supportive and loving.  They can be my biggest fans and harshest critics.  No matter how stupid or short sighted I am they are always there to help me up and tell me how stupid and short sighted I'm being.  It never matters how much time passes until we see or talk, I can always depend on them.  I hope that I live up to their example and can be as good a friend to them as they have been to me.

Now, obviously I have a talent for picking friends.  I don't know how I managed to get so lucky in that department when I have so little ability to choose boyfriends.  When I told Paul about how supportive my friends were he told me that was their job.  He's right, of course, but I would expect my boyfriend to be a friend as well (it's in the job title...).  My hormonal retrospection leaves me scratching my head over my relationship.  I don't want to talk bad about Paul, he's just on a completely different path.

I am willing to take responsibility for moving to Olympia.  I wanted so desperately to get out of my old situation that I leaped at the opportunity.  Olympia was never a place I would have chosen if I had been making the decision on my own.  Personally I would have taken my money and gone someplace warm and sunny.  This is all hindsight and the present is what logically concerns me.  Since moving in with Paul (and I mean beginning the day I actually moved in) he has told me that he is miserable and doesn't want to be with me, has told me that we should move to California, has entertained the idea of us going to Guatemala, has disappeared for a week, has told me he wants to move out and live alone again, has pestered me about us moving into a trailer or RV and heading down the coast to eventually settle in Southern California.  In short, he has confused the hell out of me.  Whenever I think I know where this is headed he changes the game.  He told me at one point he was just pretending to tolerate me (and dog and cat).  The man should be on stage!  He's a hell of a good actor.

Following our most recent conversation I have decided that I need to stop listening to him.  I need to make my own path. 

This time spent in Olympia has served to remind me what it's like to have a boyfriend (it had been 10 years since the last one).  While it can be supportive and loving it can also be lonely.  (At least when I was alone I wasn't being ignored or neglected.)  It has taken me away from my friends but has also made my friendships stronger.  

The Olympia sojourn has given me time to sit back and think about what I really want out of my life.  What I want is good friends (which I have), an uncomplicated life (which I can aim for) and a warm, sunny beach (and I know where to get that).

 

 

 “As you proceed through life, following your own path, birds will shit on you. Don't bother to brush it off.

Getting a comedic view of your situation gives you spiritual distance.
Having a sense of humor saves you.”
― Joseph Campbell

Rage

After weeks of loving humanity, the earth and all it encompasses, being a happy and positive person, doing good deeds and generally being a cheerleader around the house I have fallen into bitter, female hormonal rage.   Over the years I have come to recognize the signs of an impending need to stock up on feminine products and rage is one of the first signs.
Rather than fight my inner rage, I have always believed it is best to maintain a healthy distance from humanity and just be angry.  I recall a zen thing from who knows where:  "When the ordinary man understands, he becomes a sage.  When the sage understands, he becomes an ordinary man."  I am going to be an ordinary woman for a few days and that is fine and well and part of being alive (but I still long for menopause so I can leave the nonsense behind).  In the meantime, I should just stay away from any situation requiring me to be civil.
I try really hard not to take out my hormonal indescrepencies on those near and dear.  Instead I tend to take it out on myself.  All of my positive thinking that everything will turn out well is gone (for the moment) and I am in full self-blaming mode.  Hindsight is a glorious thing if the present is rosy.  The present is less than rosy and I only have myself to blame.  (Intellectually I know that all of this is temporary but now that I have imbibed a bottle of wine I just feel like putting it down for posterity.)
I know I should have started looking for work when I moved to Olympia.  I didn't.  I wanted some time off to recover from my last job (which was all consuming and I lived onsite 24 hours a day for 7 years).  I'm happy for the time I took but pissed off that I am now broke and looking for work is desperate.  Had I looked for a job and been working I would have more than enough to escape for parts unknown.  The peaceful part of me says I am in the situation I should be in.  I have created this reality for a reason.  The enraged hormonal part of me wants to kick the peaceful part's ass.
Today I made the mistake of trying to apply for jobs online.  I will remember the experience long after my hormones have brought my brain back to normal.  As desperate as I am for some income, I know that after today I will be so wary of looking for work that I will spend the next few days hiding under a blanket on the sofa and daring Paul to ask me what's wrong.  There are basic problems with the world economy and online hiring practices are the canary in the coal mine for the future job market.  I had visited businesses (door-to-door) and met and been introduced to very nice people in places I probably wouldn't hate to work but after talking to managers and meeting potential co-workers and being shown around  I was directed to "the website."  I will not go into a rant at this juncture, suffice it to say the whole process is a lot of nonsense.  Further, I will put a positive spin on it and say that anyone who hasn't hired me as yet is just so much less fortunate for not knowing what a hard worker I am.  How can "the website" possibly rate that?  I actually had an application today ask me what my GPA was in high school!  Thirty years later I really can't recall something so completely insignificant and so impertinent to adult work life.  I dare them to look it up!  (Jokes on them:  We didn't have computer records back then!!)

Now Or Never?

I have always thought that it was never too late for anything.  As a result, I rarely started anything or, even less frequently, finished anything.  While enjoying watching the world go by, happy in the belief that I could start my life tomorrow, I became aware that I need to be doing more about achieving what I want to do and being where I want to be.
In earnest, I started throwing out junk that I had been holding onto.  I started just tossing anything that annoyed me (broken things I always figured I would repair but which instead got lost in boxes).  That was a really good feeling. 
Then I found a box of old photographs.  I went through every picture and tossed all the ones that I hated.  A lot of them were in the lost photo box because I just didn't want to look at them anyway.  They were of old boyfriends, people I never really liked, occasions I didn't enjoy, people I didn't remember, mistake pictures when the camera went off in the bottom of my purse, etc.  TALK ABOUT LIBERATING!!  I was raised that pictures were the most important posessions you could have and I believed it.  Some of those photos were 30 years old and I couldn't throw them out simply because they were photographs and it was a sin to throw out photographs.  Boy, do I feel better!!  It was like taking a really long shower after a week long camping trip!  I am reborn!
Okay, I am getting really into the project of minimizing.  My downstairs neighbors moved out today.  Oreo and I passed them on our way out this morning.  I was watching their crew loading furniture and boxes onto a U-Haul and I just kept thinking "That will not be me when the time comes."  I'm going to have a suitcase and maybe my backpack and that's it.  I want enough for one checked bag and a carry on and that's it.  (If I can manage to put it all in a carry on then so much the better!)
The universe is screaming "SIMPLIFY!"

Mark Twain

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

 

I came across this quote today and absolutely love it!  It sums up my life's philosophy so well.  (I could do without the "Explore.  Dream.  Discover." part simply because it sounds more suited to a motivational wall poster...)

Lately I have just wanted to get rid of everything I own and lighten the load.  It feels like hanging onto all my posessions is holding me back, weighing me down and simply too much to carry anymore.  Over the years I have accumulated way too much stuff.  At one point I wanted to go through everything and keep the useful stuff but I am now of the opinion that it's all or nothing.  We'll see how this project goes...

Paul is still stressed but picks up his car today.  He should mellow out a bit for that alone.  We still need to figure out a source of income or some sort of windfall (whatever, as long as it pays the bills) but I'm positive it will all work out (he is skeptical).  It seems like I am on the verge of a breakthrough while he is on the verge of a breakdown.  Oh well, I can't change his mood and he only gets upset when I try.  Maybe one day he will learn that worrying won't help at all.  Maybe he won't ever figure that out.  It's really not up to me.

I am just happy these days.  I delight in the little things.  The leaves are so pretty right now and there are yellow flowers on the lily pads in the duck pond.  Everything is going to change soon (weather, life, etc.) but it will all be just fine.

 

Sunset last night from my kitchen window



"Life Is A Banquet..."

"...And Most Poor Suckers Are Starving To Death!"

(Auntie Mame said it best.)

I feel like I am feeding at the trough of life.  I really do.  Every day is another day.  I can choose to be happy or choose to be unhappy but it is my choice.  Sometimes it is just one of those days to choose to be unhappy.  Today I am choosing my happy option. 
Paul is in full panic mode and choosing to be unhappy.  Over time I have learned that I cannot help him when he gets like this.  He is just one of those people who doesn't like being out of his perceived comfort zone.  Currently he is having car troubles and has sent his "rig" to a shop far away (78 miles away according to AAA) so he does not have the luxury of being able to escape at will and that makes him edgy.
Another thing I have figured out about Paul is that on his list of priorities I fall well below the car.  From my observations his list is something like:

#1) car

#2) money

#3) school

#4) whiskey

#5) eating

#6) family

#7) dog

#8 & upward) running, camping, movies, me, etc.

Currently he is worried about the car and money.  To get the car fixed requires money and he only has a limited supply so he is facing going back to work before he had wanted.  He is panicking because the lease here runs out in December and he thinks we will be homeless after that.  In his panicky state of mind he thinks the only solution is to take a job he doesn't want in Seattle (where he doesn't want to be) and live in his car in Kirkland (??). 

My attitude toward matters is far less depressing and he doesn't like it so today I can barely get a grunt out of him.  (In fact, in the 10 months we've been living together I've had longer conversations with the TV.)  I have been looking for work in Olympia.  There aren't a lot of jobs but there has to be something.  I do not want to stay in this apartment.  I didn't like it when we moved in and I don't like it now.  When I moved out of Seattle I said (and quite clearly) "I don't care where I move as long as it's out of Seattle."  Must remember to be more specific.  (I am confident I can find a warm place and earn enough money to survive.)

When we moved to Olympia it was because Paul wanted to work at Evergreen State.  They haven't been hiring and he stopped trying.  I was never a fan of the location but I went along:  a) to get out of Seattle; b) to get away from my job; c) because I thought we had a future together.  I take full responsibility for my move.  It afforded me the chance to get out of Seattle and away from my job.  I had a nice savings for escape and now it is depleted (again, I take responsibility for that).  Rather than sit around moaning about what will become of me I think the wisest couse of action is to start earning money to get further away.  Next adventure is right around the corner.  I have a feeling I will be going it alone but I've done that before.  It would be nice to share it with someone but I want that someone to come along willingly.

 

It is autumn in Apple Park in more ways than one!

 

 

 

 



A Day in Life

(Day #16,667 to be precise)

Flu last week.  Better now.  Seattle this weekend.  Don't know exactly where but there be drinks.

Quiche for dinner.  Mushrooms, ham and cheddar.  Side salad.

Interview tomorrow.  Hope some sort of income generation by next week.

Stopped using complete sentences.  Saves time.  Holding onto punctuation for now.

Maybe speak only in haiku one day?  Not tomorrow (interview).

Happy Birthday, Oreo!!

Oreo turned 4 years old today!

 

Kevin's Request

[Anonymous called today and asked that I blog more often.  So, I am blogging even though I am at a loss for much to blog about.]

 

The extra $1000 never came to pass. 

After scouring the sofa cushions we lost interest.  It was a fun challenge and if we had more of a social life and got out of the apartment regularly we might have picked up pennies off the ground or sold some extra stuff that's just laying around gathering dust or made a cardboard sign to wave at motorists at a busy intersection.  But we did none of that and there is no trip in our immediate future.  (Maybe I'll revisit the challenge at a later date when I'm more motivated.)

The good deeds are coming along. 

I was walking past a man on a ladder who had dropped a tool.  I handed it up to him so he didn't have to come down.  He was happy.  I also passed a guy trying to put up signs in the wind.  The signs kept blowing away and he had to keep chasing them down.  I got closer to him and picked up the ones heading toward me and then held onto them while he got the posts solidly in the ground and the signs secured.  Sure, I could've crossed the street and left him to it but it was like 10 minutes out of my otherwise uneventful day.  I've also been doing the dishes for Paul.  I told him about my good deed doing and he might be taking advantage at this point (must remember not to spoil him).

 

The weather has been lovely . 

It's been in the 80s (during the day, at least... 30s at night which is brutal!) and sunny.  Smoke from the Eastern Washington wildfires are causing a haze but the result is beautiful sunsets!  Can't do anything about the smoke so might as well enjoy the sunsets!

 

I have wasted my whole summer. 

Back in the spring I was thinking I would be working and saving money to go somewhere fun after my Olympia sentence is up.  I didn't.  Back in July I started doing push ups to improve my sagging, aging arms.  (I gave up on that after I couldn't see any significant results in a month.)  If I'd kept up with it I would probably have quite the solid definition but, alas, I did not.  I was thinking (as I lay under the covers trying to avoid contact with the frigid morning) about the scene in "Twin Peaks" when the giant stands over Agent Cooper and says "A path is made by laying one stone at a time..."  My path would be nicely paved if I had actually started anything I'd thought about.  Well, gotta start somewhere I guess and it's never too late to start.  The trick to starting anything is to keep going and not stop until you're done.  That's a lesson I need to learn (again).  The only thing I have kept at is the writing.  I am still writing and coming up with ideas for my book and short story outlines.  If I can stay on track maybe I can start working (and working out) without letting that slip away! 

(Fingers crossed)

Easier Said Than Done

I spent the day looking for good deeds.  Granted that I did not wander around town seeking little old ladies trying to cross busy streets but I couldn't find anything to do.  Oreo and I walked around the park and there was no garbage laying around (there's ALWAYS garbage!) .  We even wandered into the back path where there are usually signs of homeless encampments and even those had been cleaned up.  I thought I could pick up dog poop left behind by careless owners but couldn't find any of that, either.  So I will do something closer to home.  Maybe I'll wash the dishes while Paul is out so when he comes home he can relax (I cook and do laundry and it's his job to wash the dishes... he rarely wants to do them).  Fingers crossed that tomorrow it'll be easier to find something that needs doing.  (Going to the library so there's a better chance.)

I have been neglecting the scale for the past couple of weeks.  (Paul and I have been watching "Twin Peaks" and the doughnut scenes have been murder!  I finally had to get a bunch of doughnuts and set them up in the kitchen so we could get on with our lives, unobsessed by them.)  But after yesterday's confession about the suspenders I figured I should see what sort of damage I had done to myself.  In fact, I discovered I had lost a few pounds since the last time I checked.  I don't understand but will not question it.  I don't want to know if it's just that the scale is broken.  (I had an issue with it needing a battery a few years ago.  It told me I was getting lighter by the day.  When it told me I weighed just 20 lbs I knew something was wrong with it.)

Frank the cat is getting OLD.  I know he's at least 20, could be even older.  So it would appear that Frank's hearing is going.  At first I thought it might be a sad thing but actually it's turning out to be a blessing in disguise.  He can't hear the vacuum so he no longer fears it!  He can't hear lawn mowers, dogs barking, alarms or any of the multitude of nioses that terrified him in the 20 years I've had him.  Life seems to be mellowing out for old Frank!  I'm sure he prefers it this way!

Good Deeds

In my effort to be as positive as possible I have decided to take a page from the Boy Scouts and do a good deed every day.  Whether it's picking up litter on my walks or holding the door for someone at the liquor store I am going to make an actual effort to do good deeds large or small.
The other day I helped a man in a wheelchair at the grocery store.  He couldn't reach down to get ice cream and asked me if I would help him.  I did and asked if there was anything else he wanted.  He had a few things he couldn't reach and I got them (funny, because I'm so short I usually have to ask passing tall people to help me out!).  He was very nice and happy.  I think that's when I started thinking about small good deeds.
Oreo and I usually pick up litter on our walks (except anything resembling medical waste... learned that downtown).  I think I'll just be more conscientious fom here on out.

In other news, I thought I might be losing some of my "living-in-Olympia-and-just don't-try-anymore" weight at last!  Then I realized that I have gotten so fat my hips can no longer be responsible for holding up my pants (can't find 'em so can't use 'em).  I thought I needed a belt because I had to keep pulling up my jeans but in reality I need suspenders to hang my jeans off my shoulders.  Maybe in my good deed doing I'll get more exercise and have less time for snacking?  (10 lbs. less would be ideal... That's not asking much...)

The weather is perfect for a camping trip.  I'm just pointing that out.

Sunny

When I was in high school I did a lot of babysitting.  One night I was being driven home by the dad of a family I sat for.  He told me that the most important thing in life was to be positive and surround yourself with positive people.  I've always remembered that conversation.
Personally I have always tried to be positive.  I may be sarcastic but I always think that no matter how bad things get they are always primed to get better.
I live with a Negative Nellie.  He's a Moaning Minnie.  He's a glass-half-empty kinda guy.  Today the weather is sunny and hot (and really quite lovely).  But Paul is on edge.  He says it just reminds him that fall is almost here and the weather won't be pretty for long. 
He has begun to stress about where we are going to go when the lease is up in December.  Now, I thought we had sort of figured that out already but he is thinking and restrategizing the plan.  I am just happy the sun is out.  December is December.  It is only September (and just the beginning of September at that!).  Now I do understand that a little planning ahead never hurt anyone but I refuse to get upset about what may or may not happen between now and then.
Why can't he be happy NOW?  When he does get a rare positive day he is full of clever ideas and has a smile on his face.  Unfortunately he goes to bed and wakes up fretting about having spent a whole day being happy.
I don't know what to do with that attitude.  I want to be positive and believe everything will be absolutely fine.  Even if things get tough I figure they get tough for some good reason and something great will come from it. 
Maybe it's good to have a balance.  Maybe I'm being counter-weighted by his negativity.  Perhaps it's a yin-yang thing?  Maybe it's fate saying "get out and find yourself someone who can see good and happy things!"  Who knows?  I just wish I had some more positivity around on a regular basis.  We've been spending alltogether too much time exclusively in each other's company.  I can feel myself sinking into some sort of dark pit if I'm not careful.  That would not be good at all.  We can't be Mr. Doom and Ms. Gloom.
So send positive vibes this way for now.  I'll send them back!

Minah League Baseball?

I really need to figure out a way to take my camera on walks...  In fact, I should just get in the habit of taking it everywhere!
This morning Oreo and I had an eerie walk.  The park was deserted (or so it seemed) which is odd because there are always at least some children at the playground if not hordes of people out on the ball fields.  At first I thought this would be nicely peaceful but it got weird fast.
When we rounded the corner into the park I noticed there were no cars in the parking lot (usually it's full to overflowing).  I scanned the edge of the park near the garden and over to the horseshoe pits and I could see a couple of people in the picnic shelter (I always assess every situation before continuing after many years in a dangerous neighborhood... it's just habit, I suppose).  Oreo and I continued on and at the first ball field there were a bunch of crows.  Oddly, they were set up to play ball.  There were a few in the dugout, one at the plate, catcher, pitcher, all the bases were covered, they had the outfield and even a shortstop hovering between second and third.  It struck me as really funny and I stopped to watch what they would do (as if the game would begin?) but they didn't do anything.  They hardly moved at all, in fact.  (I felt like they were waiting for me to leave.)  I glanced over at the picnic shelter to see if the other people were watching this as well but they were gone.  I just wish I'd had my camera!!
We continued on our walk.  That strange sense of vulnerability in an abandoned outdoor area was creeping in on me.  I started noticing maintenance equipment scattered here and there (lawn mowers, weed whackers, garbage carts, etc.) but still no people.  It was just a little unnerving but I still wasn't completely creeped out (yet).  Oreo didn't seem to sense my unease so we just continued walking.
As we passed the playground (usually loud and full of kids) I noticed a woman and two small dogs just up ahead.  Oreo generally likes meeting other dogs his size (usually barks at the grown-ups but likes sniffing the dogs) but occasionally the other dogs are not as eager to have their butts sniffed.  So I looked at our options in case we needed to avoid them.  The woman leashed one of her dogs and picked up the other one so I figured she knew what she was doing.  I was going to take Oreo around the long way so they could continue unimpeded.  But then I saw shiny confetti on the ground (probably from a birthday party at the playground or something) and got distracted BUT ONLY FOR A SECOND.  When I looked up they were gone.  I swear they just vanished into thin air!  There was nowhere for them to have gone.  The park is wide open at that spot.  There's a gully on one edge and fields in all directions.  They were nowhere to be seen.  They just completely disappeared.  I don't know what happened to the people in the picnic shelter, either, but it hadn't struck me as odd at the time.  I did a 360 turn, looking for evidence of the lady and her dogs.  I glanced over at the crows who were still eyeing me suspiciously, waiting to begin their game.  I scanned the grounds at the abandoned maintenance equipment and got a chill.  Oreo and I beat it out of there before we were somehow sucked into the mind of Stephen King.
I believe it's a good day to stay in and take care of business at home.  Enough strange things happen anyway so we don't need to go looking for trouble!

Camping Interval

Got back last night from camping out on the Olympic Peninsula.  We had wanted to go to Kalaloch but the campground was full and the only cancellation was a site that resembled grade school recess.  I'm all for kids having fun and getting outdoors and kudos for the parents for taking them camping but we decided to head further north and camp at Bogachiel in the interest of solitude.
Bogachiel has become our fallback campsite over the past eyar or so.  We stumbled on it one day while just checking out parks.  It has always turned out fairly empty and well kept.  It is a bit close to the highway so logging trucks are likely to rumble by regularly but even at that we have found it quite peaceful.



These pictures were taken from our campsite. The trees are lovely!





We visited the beach briefly so Oreo could play.  He was very adept at jumping around on these rocks!

But now we are back and just in time for a monumental heat wave!  Personally I am really enjoying the heat this summer and I don't care how hot it gets.  Most people are just miserable since it usually doesn't get this warm around here (90s??!!!  Whew!).  It will cool off to the 70s by Sunday so all is not lost.  People will have their cool down (after I revel in the sun and heat).

DAY 5 TOTAL REMAINS AT:

$23.00

(but the week is still young... or at least only middle aged...)

Earthquake?

The animals sure are restless!  All over the neighborhood dogs are barking at odd times.  My own little barker has been extremely barky and skittish lately.  I have located the flashlights and emergency radio and am ready to rough it for at least 3 days (with Paul and animals, of course...)!  It's very unnerving since we haven't had an earthquake of any significant size since February 2001, consequently we are well overdue.  We used to have them a few times a year (not big ones but 4s and 5s; just big enough to remind you not to put that heavy vase on the edge of the shelf over the bed) but since 2001 we have only had micro-quakes (1s and 2s or even less).  It's a bit unnerving.
Anyway, while waiting for the ground to start shaking I managed to locate $23: 

$20 in loose change

$2 in an old purse

$1 lottery winner that I never cashed in but is still valid

DAY TWO TOTAL

$23.00



(So, only $977 left to find and 29 days to do it!  It's something anyway...)



An Extra $1000...

Again, I have been lax about blogging.  I actually have been writing but just not here.  I'm still working on the book idea which is lots of fun and Paul convinced me to write a few short stories to submit on their own so I am doing that as well.  I think one of my big problems is that I rearranged the furniture and now I don't have anywhere comfortable to sit and blog like I used to.  Well, I'm working on it.
So, the extra $1000?  That's today's brilliant idea.  If we can manage to find/earn/win/manufacture an extra $1000 by next month we will spend it not on practical things but on a road trip to visit Southern California again.  I'm sure we could throw caution to the wind and just spend money now but since every penny is pretty much ear-marked for use down the line we decided that we will only go on a road trip if we can manifest the extra $1000.  Now we're exploring ways to suddenly come up with money.  It's an interesting challenge. 
In reality I should just go get a job for the rest of my time in Olympia but that would make the trip a bit tricky and not as much fun as using the old imagination.  Even if I did get a job I would still want to figure out a way to make $1000 over and above salary, just for the heck of it.  Hell, it's only $250/week over 4 weeks... or $100/day for 10 days... or $50/day for 20 days... you get the idea.
Currently taking suggestions of all shapes and sizes (legal, please).
I'll update as warranted!

STARTING AT:

$00.00

Brilliant Idea...

I came up with an idea for a book.  Personally, I think it's pretty cool and the happy part is that it's writing itself (that is, the characters are making themselves known to me pretty vividly and all I have to do is write them down).  I'm keeping the details to myself at this stage of the game but I've always wanted to write a book so it's very exciting.
Lately I've been convinced to write.  I had wanted to write a fictionalized story based on my experience with the homeless and the non-profit world but as I tried to fictionalize it and remove myself from events I was making myself anxious and depressed.  I guess dredging up old memories was too much, too soon.  I'll revisit it later when I've recovered.
Then I realized that what I prefer to fact is fiction and short stories.  That was when I came up with my current idea.  Suddenly all sorts of material was springing to mind!  I've had to sleep with a notebook next to the bed so I can jot down ideas when they wake me up in the middle of the night.  I've even had to carry a small notebook in my pocket so when I'm walking down the street or in line at the grocery store I can make notes as things come to me.
At this point, I have notes and characters for about 15-20 stories and a pretty cool way to string them all together (even though they are short stories they all sort of fit together). 
So that is why I haven't been blogging much.  I've been busy writing (and switching gears from my pretend world to this one gets confusing from time to time)!

Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast

I had been pondering the "six impossible things" theory for a while.  I thought it would be good for morale to believe in six impossible things before breakfast (not difficult for me since I am incredibly superstitious) or to do six impossible things before breakfast (if not every day at least once in a while).  Generally I think about this goal while I lounge about, trying not to get up in the morning. 

Today I woke up really early (impossible task #1!) and instead of ducking back under the covers I got up with gusto and fed the pets (who were absolutely thrilled with my enthusiasm).  I'm chalking up this vigorous start to the absence of alcohol last night and an early bedtime (most likely due to the lack of alcohol).  Anyway, I woke up feeling pretty good about the day for a change.  lately I've been feeling like I'm on the brink of something.  I have absolutely no idea what that is but I hope it's a good brink and has positive results. 
[My recent feeling of impending doom came to naught.  Since nobody replied to my requests for input I can only guess that it was perfectly normal paranoia on my part and I haven't left anyone hanging.]

Since I woke up early and with energy I cleaned the kitchen (impossible task #2!).  Paul is out of town for the week and I was not overly eager to clean anything.  I had cleaning on my list but was figuring on later in the week.  I've been trying to not use any dishes so as not to create any messes but, even at that, I did manage to pile up a few pots and pans and coffee mugs and plates over the past few days.  But now they're all clean and put away.  I even cleaned the coffee pots (!) but am saving the recycling for my next attempt at impossible things because I can't go too crazy on the cleaning end...

The next item on my agenda was to loosen up with some Qigong.  Lo and behold, I managed to do the breathing the way I'm supposed to (impossible task #3!)!  This is quite an achievement given my clumsiness.  I had been trying the Qigong anyway even though I kept breathing out instead of in at the wrong times.  It's amazing, too, that when I get it all right it really does feel better and I don't fall over while trying to stretch!  (Maybe tomorrow I can do it without consciously having to think about it so hard?)

Got in the shower, took the pup for his morning walk and remembered that I had bought a Lotto ticket last week but had completely forgotten to check it.  So I came back and got onto the Lottery web site, plugged in my numbers and whaddya know?  I have completely defied the odds and managed yet again not to win the lottery (impossible task #4!)!  I figure this is entirely impossible given the odds of winning and the number of times I've tried.  I have got to be on borrowed time here and must be incredibly close to hitting a jackpot.

I did not manage to get all the way up to 6 impossible things because after #4 I was starving hungry and had to eat breakfast.  Hopefully I can keep the momentum going for the rest of the day.  Lord knows what'll be left to do tomorrow if I keep up at this pace!

That Sinking Feeling

I have that overwhelming feeling I have forgotten something very important.  I have been getting anxious over the past couple of days and it's due to this feeling that I'm supposed to be somewhere or be doing something...  Yesterday I felt like I was supposed to be getting prepared and today I feel like I'm missing whatever it is and people are going to be pissed!  I just wish I knew what it was I was supposed to be doing!!!  It's interfering with my thoughts to the point that I don't know what else to write about.  I am pacing a lot and biting my nails which are things I don't normally do. 
If anyone knows what I'm forgetting, please let me know ASAP!!  I would be grateful. 

Sucked Into Another Dimension

Sorry for the lack of posts but I was sucked into the Facebook world and, regrettably, I have been spending all too much time trying find my way back to reality.  But here I am and I will endeavor to be better about posting (seems like I say that a lot).
The weather has taken a turn for the better!  It's sunny and warm at last in Olympia!!  We've been spending a great deal of time outside enjoying the sunshine.  Dog and cat are loving it.  I put a little rug out on the balcony and now they don't even want to come in at night (so I leave the door open for them in case they change their minds).
We had huge thunderstorms last night.  Olympia didn't take any direct hit but I could see the lightning in the distance and it was spectacular!  We just don't get this sort of storm west of the Cascades as a rule.  It is an extremely rare occurrence.  There were stars and the moon overhead but the flashes would shine against the storm clouds in the distance and it was really eerie and beautiful.  I sat outside watching it until I was falling asleep.  Very cool.

(photo of last night's storm from the KING5 weather site)

November in July

Ooh!  61 degrees today with wind and rain.  It was more like an autumn storm today than July.  At least temperatures are climbing!  Now the forecast is calling for 80s by the weekend!!?  Who can tell on Tuesday what will happen Saturday?  For now we'll just have to hope.  I know the animals will be forever grateful for some sun. 

(Don't tell them but they're both getting baths as soon as it warms up!)

Frank and Oreo share a precious sliver of sunshine

Summer This Week?

As usual we in the NorthWest are eagerly awaiting July 5th and the annual beginning of summer!  Forecasts say we should expect a steady rise in temperatures throughout the week and even into the 70s!!  Climatologists apparently are predicting summer weather in Washington to begin around the 12th of July.  I, for one, am anxious to find out when I can be warm without running the heat.

I recall living on the opposite coast and sweltering through a grueling Fourth of July Beach Boys concert on the Capitol Mall (I'd have traded my left arm for a cold beer as I remember it).  There were ambulances everywhere just waiting for people to drop from heat exhaustion.  Once I moved out here I remember thinking how amusing it was to need a parka to watch the fireworks.  It's no longer amusing.  While I certainly don't envy anyone back in the DC area enduring blistering heat with no electricity, I am longing for a hot day (not 105 but a nice 80 or 85 would be very welcome)!

So, fingers crossed that some of our cold air moves to the east (happy to share!) and if we could have just a taste of what it is to be summer in exchange I would be grateful.

"Reminds Me Of Dave."

Much criticism followed my confession about reading Mary Worth on a daily basis.  If you doubt my reasoning (that it is a guaranteed way to begin the day with a laugh), please see the following: 

(Quick plot summary if you haven't been following MW:  Wilbur has taken his daughter, Dawn, to Italy in a misguided attempt to help her recover from her recent dumping by her shallow boyfriend.  Mary has taken over Wilbur's advice column while he is away.)

That last panel is CLASSIC!!!  I laughed out loud when I first saw it and am still laughing! 
If you would like to laugh at Mary Worth, here is a link:  http://www.seattlepi.com/comics-and-games/fun/Mary_Worth/
And here's a link to my favorite Mary Worth blog (good for a follow-up laugh):  http://maryworthandme.blogspot.com/

Tuesday Filler

Okay, okay, I hear you.  I didn't realize anyone was reading this blog but after neglecting to post for a few days I have been deluged with e-mails.  Actually, I am pretty pleased with the interest and vow to be more dilligent (we'll see how well that goes...)!
If you read my last post you will know what I've been up to.  Nothing much to report. 
Making salmon for supper.  I found a whole salmon at the grocery store for 75 cents!  At first I was a bit wary but it looked and smelled fresh.  The lady at the seafood counter said they had a sale on whole salmon but nobody wanted to fillet it themselves so they kept reducing the price.  If I learned anything from my fishing in Alaska adventures it was how to fillet a salmon!  (Well, that, and if you go fishing in Alaska make sure you have return passage... and a fishing boat is no match for an iceberg, but I knew that before we hit it... oh, and never try to argue with a skipper who says he can break an iceberg in half with a fishing boat because you won't convince him otherwise... mm, and always take a camera if you go fishing in Alaska because you never know what will happen and you might end up getting some very close up pictures of an iceberg...)  So I have half a salmon left and am going to do something with it for supper.  Maybe I'll skewer it and make some sort of sauce...?  Well, there's that excitement chronicled for the ages!
Wish I had more to say but there just isn't much going on.  The weather can't decide what it wants to do so sun and clouds fight for space and occasional rain showers fall.  Temps in the 60s today (50s for the past week) and maybe mid-70s tomorrow (here's hoping!).  I'm dying to put away my winter clothes but it isn't going to happen yet (43 degrees the other morning!!  sheesh!).  Eventually I hope to put them away forever!!

(bright with rain... I'll try to find and scan the iceberg pictures for next time)

Summer's Coming!!

Tomorrow is the first day of summer (officially)!  The weather forecast calls for partial sun and temps in hte 70s?!  It's too, too exciting!  (I'm dressing for summer no matter what the weather decides to do to me.)
I believe the time has come to go back to work.  Our plans to move to California are beginning to take some shape (previously being an amorphous idea, gyrating around our imaginations) and I am getting really restless.  I'm also beginning to panic over money so it will help to be bringing in some more funds for the move.
Current aspirations are for obtaining some sort of temp work for the summer.  There seem to be a few agencies in Olympia that have listings and I think I'll pay them a visit late this week or next.  (I still have a few things I'd like to get done before leaping into the job hunt.) 
Another reason to get out into the world is that I am getting bored.  There are a million things I should be doing every day but I can't find the enthusiasm for any of them.  My day usually goes along these lines:  Get up around 8am, feed animals, check e-mail and read Mary Worth (to get the day going with a laugh).  Ponder when to get dressed and make a list of things I need to do.  Practice Qigong (still learning to breathe...).  Get dressed, take the dog for a walk.  Make another lsit of what I would like to do.  Lunch.  Mark off what absolutely doesn't need to be done and pick something immediate from the list.  Complete task (could be cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, etc.).  Sit back and feel some sense of accomplishment.  Practice Qigong (I can do the breathing alone but when I add a move I get all mixed up and have to go back to the basics... eventually I hope to be able to breathe AND move at the same time).  Take the dog for his afternoon walk and pick up the mail.  Start dinner.  Feed animals.  Wait for Paul to get home.  Eat dinner.  The day usually winds down with us (Paul, Oreo and I) sitting down to a video around 9pm.  My day isn't exactly thrilling but I was enjoying the mundane after leaving PHG (something to be said for a lack of continuing emergencies) however, now, the monotony is getting to me.  Time to get out and do something else!

Ah, sweet relief!

Oh, rapture unexampled!  73 degrees and sunny in Olympia!!  How lovely!  The weather people are calling the "one day wonder" and warning the populace not to get comfortable.  I am sitting outside with a beer and headphones (it's landscaping day at Apple Park so very noisy... countering the edgers and mowers with some mambo, some reggae, a little Henry Mancini  and some soca for a happy afternoon!) and my laptop and loving it. 
All the negativity about the weather and Olympia must end.  It is well past time to put a positive effort into moving to warmer climes.  I'm going to stop cursing the cold and light a fire, damnit!  Will encourage Paul to do the same.
I'm thinking of protesting the weather by dressing inappropraitely for conditions from now on (shorts and sandals no matter what's happening?) but as yet it's only a beer induced concept brought on by seasonal temps.  I may sing another tune when it's raining and 60 (tomorrow).
Since I did not go anywhere interesting or take photos of anything interesting today, I'm posting an old photo from a sunny day about two years ago (no summer last year) when I just had enough of the office and hopped a ferry to Bremerton for lunch.

Sun, Subconscious, Symbolism and Clarity

(Oreo, waiting for the sun to come back)



Around 5:30 this morning I had two animals poking at me and trying to alert me to the sunshine.  Frank and Oreo were beside themselves and wanted out on the balcony to bask in surprise rays of sun!  It had faded by afternoon but it sure was nice and totally unexpected for a few hours!

Prior to be waken by the dog and cat, I was having a pretty vivid dream.  It stuck with me most of the day.  It wasn't hanging on my mind because it needed interpretation but more because it was so obvious.  I'll never understand how the subconscious works...

The dream (or the upshot, anyway):  Paul and I were in a large house filled with friends, family and tenants from my old job.  It must've been our house (because we were worried about repairs) but it resembled the extremely haunted house of a friend from Virginia (seriously, in real life the house sits on the edge of the Manassas Battlefield at Bull Run and is very, very haunted... dreamwise I think the haunting aspect is pretty telling).  There was a huge storm going on outside and inside we were trying to protect all the people in the house (hm, no interpretation needed there).  The people inside the house were driving me crazy with all their complaints and demands (again, no interpretation needed).  The storm started blowing out all the windows in the house.  There was glass flying everywhere and everything was breaking.  The wind was blowing so hard it blew all the ghosts and annoying people out.  It was terrifying.  Suddenly the storm ended and the sun came out.  Friends and family helped us rebuild the house (made it bigger and fancier) and they surprised us by putting in brand new windows.  At the end of the dream (or at least right before I woke up) Paul and I were sitting in front of a big floor to ceiling window, having drinks and talking about how dirty the old windows must have been beacuse the new windows were so clear we could see the ocean again.

I woke up to sunshine.  I was mildly annoyed that the animals woke me up so early (and that I ran out of milk for my coffee) but I kept thinking about that dream and I felt like my brain was telling me that everything would be fine and after dealing with some stormy issues everything will become clear and we might even be able to see the ocean.  Not bad!



Sun, sun, sun... clouds

The sun made an unexpected appearance yesterday!  I made sure to get out and enjoy every available moment of it which is why I didn't post yesterday (by the time I got back I was somewhat tipsy...).  Anyway, the story goes like this:  As of bedtime Sunday night the weather report for Monday said "rain."  Nothing new there.  Monday morning I was awakened by a perky little puppy dog who desperately wanted me to get up and open the door so he could go out on the balcony and lay in the sun (which is where he spent the rest of the day when we weren't out walking).  I put on my shorts and headed out to find the perfect Mt. Rainier photo op.  I followed the elusive mountain to downtown where it vanished behind some buildings.  It was being coy and I could only see little hints of it behind trees or buildings for the most part.  The peeks I got looked spectacular with the bright white snow contrasted against the bright blue sky.  It was beautiful.  Too bad I couldn't get a clear shot of it before the clouds came in...

I settled for a picture of the Olympic Mountains from the waterfront:

You can clearly see the clouds coming in to regain their foothold in the NW.  Ah well, it was a nice change and so unexpected!  Today it's back to cold and rainy and that's the forecast for the rest of the week.  At least there's been one day in June we didn't need to crank up the heat.

Sand By Your Man

(Back when they both had longer hair)

I'm getting a little tired of complaining about the weather.  It's cold.  That's just the way it is.  We can either turn on the heat and warm up temporarily or move to a warmer cliamte and be warmer permanently.  Either way, cursing the cold does not make it any better.  Paul is at his wit's end with the cold.  While I'm none too thrilled with my feet being like ice or my fingers going numb, I don't see much to be gained by whining. 
This morning I looked up the price of U-Haul trucks to Orange County.  Not bad at $750-ish.  It's cheaper than replacing everything.  Earlier schemes included moving into an RV and visiting National and State Parks which would mean getting rid of anything superfluous (I'm still giving that one a thumbs up!).  Then came the plan to move to Guatemala so Paul could go back and finish his Spanish schooling.  That would involve renting a furnished place in Antigua (at a really affordable cost given the exchange rate!) so, again, getting rid of anything we could live without.  Now the plan of the day is to move to SoCal, I get a job as apartment manager and we have a free apartment on site.  That would involve an unfurnished place and therefore we would need to reassess what to take.  Up till now I was kind of enjoying the fantasy of chucking everything and having few posessions but, faced with this new reality, I am unamused at the prospect of eating, sleeping and sitting on the floor of an empty apartment and staring at the wall for lack of entertainment.  (Been there, done that.)  So that's what I'm doing today:  Sorting out the mechanics of moving.
Paul is working furiously to finish this semester of his Master's program.  He has a bunch of work to submit by next Wednesday (and he's behind) so he's sequestered in his office, coming out at brief intervals to warm his coffee and bitch about the cold.
Oreo is on the chair, shivering under his blanket with his head resting on his pink flamingo toy.  he misses the beach, too.

this was the photo in the paper
Paul grew up surfing there
(no wonder he's pissed off at haiving to wear long johns in June...)

None of this was helped by the teaser on the front page of the Sunday Seattle Times: Southern California's Best Beach Towns. The travel section was all about Orange County beaches and there was a huge picture of the Huntington Beach pier. I honestly thought Paul might cry when he saw it!!

Beach Session

Coming back to cold and dark Olympia was a real drag.  It was so cold in the apartment we had to turn on the heat yesterday and so dark we needed to turn on lights just to read.  I believe we hit a high of 53 degrees.  Fairbanks Alaska (where Paul's brother lives) was 80.  (Paul's brother called to rub it in.)  The sun made an appearance today and we hit 60!  Woo hoo! 

The upshot of all this is that neither of us can stand the thought of living through another non-summer like last year (72 hours of summer weather... bah!).  Paul was so tightly wound yesterday I thought he might snap.  I was just loopy.  Couldn't concentrate on anything.  He asked me in the afternoon if I had come up with any brilliant ideas concerning how to get out of here.  I told him that the only thing I was thinking was "Why am I looking at jobs in Olympia when I really want to be somewhere warm?  I should be looking for a job somewhere warm."  And, I told him, that was followed by the thought of "Oh, yeah, the money part.  Guess I already knew that.  And there's the lease which doesn't expire until December."
So, I went to practice Qigong (which I decided to take up in an effort to get my chi flowing... or whatever it's supposed to do... I hear it's good for breathing and posture... apparently I've been breathing wrong for years... I didn't know, it's always done the trick for me... but more on that later) which didn't give me any new insights.  Paul went running (like he does every day although I suspect sometimes he just sits in the car and reads and then tells me he's been running) and came home all fired up.  He said I had hit the nail on the head and we should find jobs elsewhere.  He immediately applied for a case manager job in Huntington Beach and called a past employer (truck driving) to learn that they are hiring.
Then, this morning, a certain someone drunk dialed me to tell me how fed up he is in his current situation (living on the job which also happens to be where I was last working/living).  I encoraged him to consider sub-letting our place so we could go to California.  I read our lease and there's no explicit language forbidding sub-leasing.  He sounded, well, drunk but interested.
So things are getting interesting.  I found a couple of apartment manager jobs in Orange County (free rent!!) but need to put a resume together including my apartment manager experience (was leaving it out as much as possible to avoid getting sucked back into the non-profit vortex but I'll do it for the free rent!).
I was at Target this afternoon and found a pair of shorts I really liked so I bought them.  I'm done with buying warm clothes.  Must visualize warm.  I even bought a lottery ticket (though I never win... but I figure that up to now I wasn't even breathing correctly so maybe I can change my lottery luck like I can change my breathing?  It's a theory, anyway...).
Updates as they happen.  I hope they happen!